I think my leadership should be very glad i have some control over my anger, not a whole lot, but enough to keep from being completely stupid.
right now, i'm trying to decide how i want to whip my squad leader, do i string him by his toes and gag him or something else?
oh and no worries, nothing comes to light of this, it's just what i wish i could do.
personalities to not match up, he and i have been clashing since day one. sure occasionally we can joke around and be all cool, but he keeps getting up in my ass about the smallest shit, like today, i was running, coughing every step of the way, but i still manage to complete the exercise within the recommended reps, so what was the big issue? sure i was slow, but when aren't i slow, i'm the only female that actually does pt with the platoon; two others are on profile, another is post-preg pt, and the only other female is the commander who does her own thing.
as fed up as i am, these are the assholes i gotta contend with for deployment... *sigh*
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Drift
a whirlwind of insanity has arrived. everyone seems to be getting under my skin, questioning the things i do, make me question myself, and make me want to throttle them.
they should give me some credit, i hold myself in check more often then not, i could probably do some damage if i let loose.
sure, i passed my PT test, but honestly i don't feel any real accomplishment. the commander cheered for me, my SFC gave me a hug, he had paced me and feared right at the end i wouldn't make it. but now it feels like everyone wants more from me now that my mind is somewhat cleared.
'if you get an attitude again, i'll make you do corrective training' piff, maybe if i didn't feel so bogged down and singled out...
and here i want to survive a full deployment before i get out with them. that's what's got my Squad Leader questioning me, because i mentioned that the longer i spend in the military, the more i realize this ain't for me. why do i want to endure deployment? for the experience of one start to finish...
i dunno anymore. and no one understands me here, nor does it feel like they want to. yes i want to learn, but how they do it clashes with how i learn...
i'll live, i'll make it, christmas is coming, the much needed break will be here.
they should give me some credit, i hold myself in check more often then not, i could probably do some damage if i let loose.
sure, i passed my PT test, but honestly i don't feel any real accomplishment. the commander cheered for me, my SFC gave me a hug, he had paced me and feared right at the end i wouldn't make it. but now it feels like everyone wants more from me now that my mind is somewhat cleared.
'if you get an attitude again, i'll make you do corrective training' piff, maybe if i didn't feel so bogged down and singled out...
and here i want to survive a full deployment before i get out with them. that's what's got my Squad Leader questioning me, because i mentioned that the longer i spend in the military, the more i realize this ain't for me. why do i want to endure deployment? for the experience of one start to finish...
i dunno anymore. and no one understands me here, nor does it feel like they want to. yes i want to learn, but how they do it clashes with how i learn...
i'll live, i'll make it, christmas is coming, the much needed break will be here.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Hotels
I've been to several different hotels of recent years, none i've ever paid for, but i've gotten to see quite a verity. I've gotta say, the one i'm in now is one of two really good ones i've been in.
last time i was in San Antonio we were at a Holiday Inn, it was an okay place, a little on the low end of decent, public bath rooms weren't the best looking, as the toilt seats were scuffed up, my room door rubbed rather hard against it's frame, but otherwise worked. but the room was nice.
Right now i'm sitting in a hotel called Double Tree, and it by far is much better then Holiday. save for the Room AC, which i will get used to eventaully, it's very nice. perhaps it's because it's so much smaller of a hotel (6 floors vs many in Holiday) but this place is much more comforting. more peaceful.
however, the only place that is even better then this is Gray Wolf Hotel, and not because of it's water park.
i've a dislike for elevators. it's not the small space, but the movement... i've always been this way for as long as i can remember, which goes back a ways, i believe it was around my little brother's birth, but all i know is it was a hospital elevator and i didn't like the movement. it's in part with my ears, i'm sensitive to elevation change, and my ears don't pop either. i'll ride them, i'm just not comfortable.
last time i was in San Antonio we were at a Holiday Inn, it was an okay place, a little on the low end of decent, public bath rooms weren't the best looking, as the toilt seats were scuffed up, my room door rubbed rather hard against it's frame, but otherwise worked. but the room was nice.
Right now i'm sitting in a hotel called Double Tree, and it by far is much better then Holiday. save for the Room AC, which i will get used to eventaully, it's very nice. perhaps it's because it's so much smaller of a hotel (6 floors vs many in Holiday) but this place is much more comforting. more peaceful.
however, the only place that is even better then this is Gray Wolf Hotel, and not because of it's water park.
i've a dislike for elevators. it's not the small space, but the movement... i've always been this way for as long as i can remember, which goes back a ways, i believe it was around my little brother's birth, but all i know is it was a hospital elevator and i didn't like the movement. it's in part with my ears, i'm sensitive to elevation change, and my ears don't pop either. i'll ride them, i'm just not comfortable.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Hot Heat
It's a drought, it's Texas....
I'm from a cold state, Maine...
In Texas, the temperature is known to go above 100, for days on end >.<
In Maine, rarely does it go above 85.
In Texas, an dustin' of snow shuts everthing down
In Maine, it could be a blizzard out and we'd still be off to school, if the roads are clear.
Texas is too hot for me
I'd rather be home in Maine where it'd known to get below zero.
Besides that, i can put some of the guys to shame on a PT test. Male minimum for ages 17-21 is 42 pushups, that also happens to be female max for the same group. pushups is my strongest event, i average (least in the past few months of struggle) between 35-45 pushups, having once peaked at 47 and not having been under 35 since i left AIT. today i beat a fellow battle buddy, he only did 43 pushups, i did 45. i'm also often compliemnted on my 'perfect' pushup, close hand elbows next to my body... i think the only style push up i've yet to do is the one arm, but i'm slowly getting there.
Situps are alright, i noramlly average 60-65 but i've been touching 70 recently. the guy that was holding my feet today praised me for reaching so high, but it's not quite maxing, i'm 8 shy of that.
and the run kicks my ass, today i've been the closest i've ever been to reaching min without pity or a push from the SGTs, 20 seconds shy.
but the sad thing, i'm reaching 'batallion standard', i'm just failing my run. batallion's standard is 240, today's test i scored a 243.
i just find it sad, but funny.
I'm from a cold state, Maine...
In Texas, the temperature is known to go above 100, for days on end >.<
In Maine, rarely does it go above 85.
In Texas, an dustin' of snow shuts everthing down
In Maine, it could be a blizzard out and we'd still be off to school, if the roads are clear.
Texas is too hot for me
I'd rather be home in Maine where it'd known to get below zero.
Besides that, i can put some of the guys to shame on a PT test. Male minimum for ages 17-21 is 42 pushups, that also happens to be female max for the same group. pushups is my strongest event, i average (least in the past few months of struggle) between 35-45 pushups, having once peaked at 47 and not having been under 35 since i left AIT. today i beat a fellow battle buddy, he only did 43 pushups, i did 45. i'm also often compliemnted on my 'perfect' pushup, close hand elbows next to my body... i think the only style push up i've yet to do is the one arm, but i'm slowly getting there.
Situps are alright, i noramlly average 60-65 but i've been touching 70 recently. the guy that was holding my feet today praised me for reaching so high, but it's not quite maxing, i'm 8 shy of that.
and the run kicks my ass, today i've been the closest i've ever been to reaching min without pity or a push from the SGTs, 20 seconds shy.
but the sad thing, i'm reaching 'batallion standard', i'm just failing my run. batallion's standard is 240, today's test i scored a 243.
i just find it sad, but funny.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Annoyances
Some people are great, i could hang out with them for hours on end.
other people are nice, but they give off an aura i am not comfortable with and make things awkward.
Few of these types of people sometimes just don't understand i don't want to hang with them daily at late hours in the day.
then there's the other crowd of folks who i could hardly ever get along with that drive me up the wall with their annoyances that causes me to snap unintentionally because i cannot get used to them.
I'm extremely picky with the people i hang out, just like I'm rather picky with the cloth type i wear with cloths. if i don't like the texture, no matter how nice it looks I'll never get it.
Just like I'll never fully get over talking via phone, i prefer text messages or face to face interaction.
sometimes i fear this pickiness is gonna get at me in trouble with people, but then again they refuse to acknowledge my fears and discomforts and tell me to get over them. that's like telling one of my 'battle buddies' to get over her deep fear of spiders. while with the phone I've come a long ways, i still hate calling out, perhaps its the fear of the other end, i dunno.
perhaps i chose the wrong line of work, i dunno, at this point I'm just trying to finish my time in. maybe it'll get better and i stay in, maybe not. at this point only time will tell.
Hmm... this almost feels like a mini rant...
other people are nice, but they give off an aura i am not comfortable with and make things awkward.
Few of these types of people sometimes just don't understand i don't want to hang with them daily at late hours in the day.
then there's the other crowd of folks who i could hardly ever get along with that drive me up the wall with their annoyances that causes me to snap unintentionally because i cannot get used to them.
I'm extremely picky with the people i hang out, just like I'm rather picky with the cloth type i wear with cloths. if i don't like the texture, no matter how nice it looks I'll never get it.
Just like I'll never fully get over talking via phone, i prefer text messages or face to face interaction.
sometimes i fear this pickiness is gonna get at me in trouble with people, but then again they refuse to acknowledge my fears and discomforts and tell me to get over them. that's like telling one of my 'battle buddies' to get over her deep fear of spiders. while with the phone I've come a long ways, i still hate calling out, perhaps its the fear of the other end, i dunno.
perhaps i chose the wrong line of work, i dunno, at this point I'm just trying to finish my time in. maybe it'll get better and i stay in, maybe not. at this point only time will tell.
Hmm... this almost feels like a mini rant...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Quiet, Rampet Moments
All the pleasuries i once enjoyed so quiet, even when my mind still runs rampent. lately when i've been writing/typing nothing has sounded right.
hell, this story was a pain in the ass to figure out how to word... even if i had the picture in my head since i watch the movie.
i guess i just cannot find the normal joy i once had, or maybe i'm thinking way to hard about this stuff.
of course, it's not like anyone anywhere notices me that much. just another semi-unscuessful writer not knowing what the hell i'm doing... heh
hell, this story was a pain in the ass to figure out how to word... even if i had the picture in my head since i watch the movie.
i guess i just cannot find the normal joy i once had, or maybe i'm thinking way to hard about this stuff.
of course, it's not like anyone anywhere notices me that much. just another semi-unscuessful writer not knowing what the hell i'm doing... heh
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Respect
How does one define Respect?
It's a struggle, really, at least for me
all over you can see respect, but how do you put it into words?
a common military saying is 'respect the rank...' which is understandable, Military salutes or stands still at the raising and lowering of the flag, pay respects to the fallen both in the combat zone and later at the cemetary.
Is there difference between Respect and Loyaty, or are they the same? being loyal to a cause would mean you respect it, but you can respect a cause without being loyal to it.
why is it so hard to explain in a 30 slide, 10 words at least per slide? perhaps i'm overthinking, but that's just how i am i guess...
if these kinds of assignments weren't so 'broad' or 'ambiguous'
It's a struggle, really, at least for me
all over you can see respect, but how do you put it into words?
a common military saying is 'respect the rank...' which is understandable, Military salutes or stands still at the raising and lowering of the flag, pay respects to the fallen both in the combat zone and later at the cemetary.
Is there difference between Respect and Loyaty, or are they the same? being loyal to a cause would mean you respect it, but you can respect a cause without being loyal to it.
why is it so hard to explain in a 30 slide, 10 words at least per slide? perhaps i'm overthinking, but that's just how i am i guess...
if these kinds of assignments weren't so 'broad' or 'ambiguous'
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