a whirlwind of insanity has arrived. everyone seems to be getting under my skin, questioning the things i do, make me question myself, and make me want to throttle them.
they should give me some credit, i hold myself in check more often then not, i could probably do some damage if i let loose.
sure, i passed my PT test, but honestly i don't feel any real accomplishment. the commander cheered for me, my SFC gave me a hug, he had paced me and feared right at the end i wouldn't make it. but now it feels like everyone wants more from me now that my mind is somewhat cleared.
'if you get an attitude again, i'll make you do corrective training' piff, maybe if i didn't feel so bogged down and singled out...
and here i want to survive a full deployment before i get out with them. that's what's got my Squad Leader questioning me, because i mentioned that the longer i spend in the military, the more i realize this ain't for me. why do i want to endure deployment? for the experience of one start to finish...
i dunno anymore. and no one understands me here, nor does it feel like they want to. yes i want to learn, but how they do it clashes with how i learn...
i'll live, i'll make it, christmas is coming, the much needed break will be here.
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